Beyond Self

Don’t Let One Bad Experience Shrink Your Heart

One of my favorite Bible verses is 2 Corinthians 9:11:

"God will make Ifeoluwa rich in every way so that Ifeoluwa can always give freely. And Ifeoluwa’s giving will make people give thanks to God."

When I first read that verse, it changed my perspective on wealth. Because wealth isn’t just about money. It includes your wisdom, your time, your energy, your words. You can be a billionaire in encouragement. A millionaire in kindness. You can be rich in love, in grace, in patience. And those things? They matter more than we think.

I actually printed this verse out and placed it where I see it every day. I want to always remember that everything I’m asking God for whether it’s financial blessings, career success, good health is not just for me. It’s so I can be a blessing to others.

Whenever I talk about purpose and assignment, I always say this: I pray to leave this world empty. Not in a bleak or sorrowful way, but with the fulfillment of knowing that I have poured out everything God has placed inside me; every talent, every gift, every idea; using them to serve others and complete the work I was sent here to do. I want to use them to bless people and improve the world.

I firmly believe that no one comes into this world without a purpose. We aren’t here just to exist, make money, post vacation pictures, and leave. No two people are exactly the same, not even identical twins, and that’s because our assignments in life are unique. Our purpose is never just for ourselves. It is meant to add value to the world around us.

Think about all the people who created things that make life easier electricity, airplanes, medicine, the internet. What if they had decided to keep their knowledge to themselves? What if they thought, Let me just use this for my benefit and my family? The world would be a very different place. These people weren’t just innovators; they were altruistic; driven by a concern for others.

That word altruism stuck with me from my social psychology class. It refers to selfless acts that benefit others without expecting anything in return. And to be honest, I’ve wrestled with it. Because let’s be real: being a kind person doesn’t always seem to pay off.

I know you might have been burned by your goodness.

You went out of your way for someone, and they repaid you with ingratitude.

You gave your time, your resources, your heart, and people took advantage.

You’ve told yourself, Never again. I’ll mind my business from now on.

And I get it. I really, really do. There’s a certain heartbreak that comes with realizing that not everyone appreciates kindness. Some people will use you. Some will be entitled. Some will never return the favor. And if you focus on those people alone, you’ll start to believe that kindness is a waste.

But here’s something I remind myself of often:

There are over 8 billion people in the world. Eight. Billion.

So why let the actions of one, five, or even fifty people make you shrink back? Why let bad experiences with a handful of people rob the rest of the world of the goodness inside you? If one person misused your kindness, another person is out there desperately praying for the help you have to give.

That’s why paying it forward matters.

It’s not about doing nice things just for those who can return the favor. It’s about giving, loving, and showing up for people regardless of what they can do for you. And no, I’m not just talking about charity. Sometimes, the person who needs kindness the most is the one who looks like they have it all together. A word of encouragement, a listening ear, a simple act of thoughtfulness—those things can change someone’s day, even their life.

Maybe you’re not the person who has stopped giving. Maybe you’re the person who’s always receiving. The one who takes, benefits, and enjoys, but rarely pours back into others. Maybe it’s not intentional, life has been hard, and you’ve gotten used to surviving on the kindness of people around you. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: Am I only here to collect? Relationships, friendships, and communities thrive on mutuality. If you keep taking without giving, eventually, even the most generous people will pull away. Nobody wants to feel drained. Nobody wants to feel like they are only useful when they have something to offer. Even if all you have to give right now is your time, encouragement, or effort give it. Because living in a constant state of receiving without contributing is not a sustainable or fulfilling way to live.

So here’s my challenge to you, to me, to all of us:

Think beyond yourself. Give beyond what’s comfortable. Don’t let one bad experience stop you from being a good person.

And if you ever feel like holding back, ask yourself: What if the person who helped me in the past had decided to stop helping people?

The world needs the goodness you have to give. Keep showing up. Keep giving. Keep being you.